If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
