Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
