look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My dick has a subreddit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
