Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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