guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
