you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
