in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My vagina just recognized that song.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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