he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
