I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
this is an emotional support booty call
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
