I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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