I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
