Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
