I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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