We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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