i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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