I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
