i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
