i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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