toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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