I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize