I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
