I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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