just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize