i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
