what day is it and did you see me today?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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