i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
