I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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