the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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