I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
