Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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