I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
