I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
