Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
