I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think your dad took our porno
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
as a side note pls kill me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
