i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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