In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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