you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
