i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
