I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
