i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
