I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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