you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i believe in u and ur pee
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
