Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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