Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
