somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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