Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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