She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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