Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
