i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
