How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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