who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
