dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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