when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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