guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
