girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
