dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
