oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
