i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
