i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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