mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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