I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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